Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize