the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
