Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
