Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
false alarm. still invincible.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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