Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
