i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
