His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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