I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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