Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
