i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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