I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
