Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
