I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
