I wanna bring you to show and tell
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
