she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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