roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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