Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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