Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
