I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
