I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize