I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
