Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize