You can't motorboat a personality
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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