just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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