You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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