Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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