i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
