So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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