Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
