I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Let's get the cat blown out
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
