I just pynch a tree in the face
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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