i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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