Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
