I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
false alarm, still single
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize