He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We are two peas in an std pod
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
