i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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