Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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