Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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