Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
