Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
