He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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