i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
