I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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