Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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