I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
