Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
