We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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