Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
