He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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