Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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