Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
