Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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