theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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