I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
