All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
