Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize