if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
