69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
