Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
