i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
