i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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