just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Houston, we have a squirter
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
