Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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