Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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