Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
