I just cut my nipple shaving
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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