Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This gyro tastes like lonliness
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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