I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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