dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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