i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
