At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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