roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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