FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
