she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
